Excuse me
by CheeseCannons
Summary: CRACKFIC. Someone horrible happens to Finland every full moon. What would his "husband" and Norway do when they find him in that state? CRACKFIC. Reviewed by sacrom574


**A/N: I'm sorry for the racist content but this is labelled as humour. Finns are hardcore. **

Finland was drinking at the pub, along with his fellow Nordics, Germany and Prussia. Denmark and Prussia were telling teach other perverted jokes and slurring words in the process. In essence, they were drunk and wasted. Norway was pestering a rather drunk and submissive Iceland.

"Jeg elskar dig, brothir hic-" Iceland slurred, accidentally slipping out some Norwegian.

"HEY! ICEY SAID IT! MORE DRINKS!" cheered Denmark.

Norway chuckled.

Sweden sat with Germany and Finland, discussing something related to world politics and economy. Finland found the subject really quite boring.

"AH! Finny boy, hic- you know that I'm AWESOME!? HIC-?" exclaimed the Prussian.

"Ahahaha?" Finland replied, nervously. He sipped his vodka and honestly didn't care and was quite worried about leaving Sealand to the care of Latvia. After all, Latvia was a mere teenager himself. Too much was going on in his head. He had to go out for some fresh air.

Finland smiled as he walked out of the pub, which reeked of stale alcohol. He looked up at the dark night sky, which today demonstrated a rather beautiful full moon.

"Perkele." He muttered to himself. Raising his hand slightly, he brought his eyes down to the face of his watch to check the time - midnight.

Finland had a dark secret - he transformed into something quite frightening when there was a full moon at midnight and he had alcohol in his system. Nobody knew of this rare occurrence, save Hungary and Estonia. On days like this, he would avoid alcohol. And normally, when Finland had these episodes, he would only recognise Hungary, Estonia and Sweden.

"Perkele, perkele, perkele, PERKELE!"

Finland walked back through the pub's door.

_Ugh, men. It's totally disgusting, how they reek of alcohol. _

"Moimoi, motherfuckers."

"W'f. Wh't h'p'nd?" ask a rather concerned Sweden.

"Ugh, Swe, like totally. You know how much I hate red. It reminds me of them commies," Finland stated distastefully, "Those red jeans don't match with that yellow polo. You look like Yao now."

Sweden's jaw dropped. He rubbed his eyes to verify that he was talking to Finland and not Poland.

"Mhm girlfriend, that's right."

"Finland, are you okay? I think you had a bit too much to drink." said Norway, his voice tailored to the usual monotone.

"Bitch, I drank only two shots of vodka. Fucking commie and I had drinking games and I beat the shit of out that commie."

"SOMEONE'S SASSY!" slurred Prussia and Denmark, somehow in perfect unison.

"Excuse me?"

"You saucy! Hic-"

"Bitch, shut up before I cut you." Finland threatened.

"We bet'r g't 'm h'm'."

"I'll help." Norway chimed in with a suggestion.

"M-m-mr. Sweden! You're back." Latvia stuttered, "Welcome back."

"Swe, who the fuck this be? YOU BE SEEING SOMEONE BEHIND MY BACK? OH, HELL NO." Finland's voice rose sharply.

Latvia was just as shocked. All the commotion woke up Sealand, who was sleeping until a certain loud Finno-Uralic person came home.

"Papa! Mama! You're home!" The micronation shouted with joy.

"Son, who you be?"

"I'm Peter! Your son!"

Tears started to gather and collect in Sealand's eyes. His mama didn't recognise him?

"Oh lords, Swe, why the fuck do you have to be so horny and make KIDS? I CAN'T AFFORD TO FEED KIDS."

"Fin, I didn't see you drink that much tonight. Something must be wrong." Norway said, worry only slightly altering his tone.

Peter started to cry and wail.

"OH HUSH CHO FUSSIN'." snapped Finland.

"S'rs'ly, Fin, wh'ts wr'n'?"

"EVERYTHING'S WRONG. I BE HAVING KIDS WHO I CAN'T FEED. I NEED MONEY TOO! STUPID GERMANY FORMED THE STUPID UNION AND NOW STUPID GREECE CAN'T PAY OFF HIS DEBT AND THAT AFFECTS MY ECONOMY BECAUSE WE BE USING THE EURO. THE SHIT AIN'T ANYTHING BUT A TOKEN OF OUR DEBT TO GERMONEY. GER FUCKING MONEY. GERMONEY. FUCKING LOAN SHARK. DAMN SHIT I BETTER BE USING THE MARKKA. FUCKING UNEMPLOYMENT RATE BE HIGHER THAN THE NETHERLANDS ON POT. AND FUCKING RUSSIA TAKING MY KAERLIA AND WHIPING FINNS OUT OF THE AREA AND INTRODUCING COMMIE CITIZENS. I CAN'T PUT UP WITH CHO BULLSHIT AND ALL THAT SHIT BEING M'WIFE, JAG ÄLSKAR DIG AND THAT SHIT. DAMMIT SWE, HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE WE LEFT THE KALMAR UNION AND YOU STILL KEEP THAT BULLCRAP UP WITH M-"

Finland's voice faded. Norway was smirking, holding a tranquiliser dart in his hand. Everyone in the room to stare at the man.

"What?" was the Norwegian's only response.

"N'th'ng."

"That's so cool, Mr. Norway, why do you keep those tranquilisers?" said a bamboozled and curious Latvia.

"I've always kept tranquiliser arrows and darts ever since that personal union with Sweden."

Norway had blushed noticeably when he said 'personal union with Sweden'. Everyone grew quiet and decided not to question the Norwegian, who was showing emotion; which is something that the Norwegian rarely does.

Later in the Morning

The sun shined brightly through the bedroom shared by the Swedish and Finnish men.

"Ugh, what happened last night?" inquired Finland.

"B'c'me al' sas'y."

"Oh. Um. Swe?"

"Ja?"

"I've always been meaning to say this but…"

Finland explained the episodes of sass explosion that had taken place in the past on multiple occasions. To confirm this, Finland had Sweden call Hungary.

"Th'ts it, n' m're dr'nks f'r y'u. P't'r's b'en sc'r'd b'c'se 'f y'r s'ss"

"Awh Swe. Not even some?"

"Nej."

"Come on."

"Nej."

"I'll be better in bed."

"W'll s'e."


End file.
